I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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