dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize