Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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