i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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