I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
