If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize