just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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