I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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