i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
