new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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