Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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