Sponge bath it is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
