at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
