dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
