please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
