when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
