I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
