I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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