i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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