Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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