my phone needs a breathalizer
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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