Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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