Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
a search helicopter?!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
