That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
