i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
