Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
