1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
