That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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