Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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