You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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