my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how does that bad decision feel?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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