I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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