My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
