"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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