Dual....:-)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
