I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
