I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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