Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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