His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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