Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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