Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
