he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
