just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
