Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
