He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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