You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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