Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
