I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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