Pregnant stripper...not hot.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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