I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
