just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
