So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
