I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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