Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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