How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
