I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
