So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
