??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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