I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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