i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
