whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you had me at cake vodka
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
