life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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