This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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