I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
