just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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