The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
