There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize