Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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