If that was your dad, he is hot
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
