you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
