He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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