It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
