He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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