SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
