you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
