what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
