T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize